i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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