there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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