she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
