Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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