Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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