i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
