Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize