I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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