blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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