1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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