There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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