I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize