Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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