i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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