Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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