I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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