it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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