I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
