i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
