my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
