she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
