oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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