plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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