I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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