Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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