if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
