Christians are straight up FREAKS
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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