Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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