I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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