All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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