i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize