somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
