i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
