Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
