I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize