I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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