I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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