i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
