FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize