I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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