Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
