the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
