just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
