I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
did you just send me my own nude
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
