I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
