I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
