I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
