he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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