We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
