Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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