I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
