kristin has been a bad kristin
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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