Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You ruined the universe
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
