I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
