She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize