Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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