I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
