you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
