There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
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She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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