apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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