Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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