I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
