Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
