Need sex. Gaining weight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
