I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
