i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
