I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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