This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
