My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
