I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
