If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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