Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
