awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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