9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
