What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
