remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
