sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
