R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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