Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
