I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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