Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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