I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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