the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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